Talk About It

I recently went to the doctor to get a refill on a medication I take for anxiety. I’ve taken this medicine on and off since 2010 or so. It helps when I can’t get the anxiety under control or I feel the onset on a panic attack.

We went through some questions and some typical disclosures that the office had to provide and then we talked about what I do to keep my anxiety under control. I do many of the things health care providers suggest, and they help, but not as much as having alone time.

I am an introvert with an extrovert child. I have a child that has sensory issues as well. And she is 5. I need quiet when she thrives in chaos. I need peace, no sound no movement. Just stillness. And in my situation, it is difficult. I only have periodic help from a couple family members. My husband works a bunch, so I usually do everything by myself.

The doctor knew all of this and proposed I see a therapist. This is something I considered in the past and thought about briefly recently but I need to think about it more. The only reason I would consider it is because I have come to some impasses and I don’t know how to find resolutions. Maybe talking to someone not connected to me may help me put the pieces together.

I haven’t made a decision, and most likely will think about it for some time before I decide. Regardless, it was nice to have a conversation with my doctor about my needs and wants and what I feel. It’s good to know she didn’t think I was crazy either.

Many people have a stigma about mental health issues. I have a college degree, my husband works, my daughter goes to a private school, and we are doing well. My life is good. My brain likes to battle me on that. It’s my fight and I will win. I will always be an advocate for myself and my mental health. Bottom line, talk about it. Talk about the struggles with a friend, seek help from a doctor, or see a counselor. Whatever you need to do to be ok in your head, talk about it. It’s the first way leading you to answers.


Never Ending

If any parent has had a child with allergies or asthma, you know what a battle it is. The medicines, the check ups, the school sickness that never seems to go away. I have battled these issues with my child for the last year learning that she is highly allergic to birds, has virus induced asthma, and has a hive reaction when given amoxicillin. She is on six different medications and most recently discovered she has Sensory Processing Disorder which makes taking these daily meds look like an Olympic sport. It is exhausting. She sees a regular doctor, an allergist, and an occupational therapist. She thrives on noise and chaos but the chaos needs to be organized or she has meltdowns that make most two year olds look like amateurs. Not to mention her school days and her school functions and class parties. Busy is an understatement.

I have also discovered the never ending battle with family who think that there is nothing wrong with my kid. According to some of our family, her allergies are made up and she doesn’t have any sensory issues, for I need to discipline her better. This has officially caused problems with us attending family functions. Any of you who have a child that this sounds familiar, I am sure you have endured the “heat” from other people on how to take care of your child. Not only is the daily care taking of a child with these ailments exhausting, I have to deal with the exhausting, debilitating, and tedious ridiculing from family. I now am at a crossroad and unsure which way to go.

I have tried talking with these individuals about my child’s illness. How there are certain precautions that have to be followed for her allergies to not flare up. I have tried to communicate my frustrations with them about how the precautions are ignored and then I end up dealing with the wrath of horrible asthma flare ups. (For example, my daughter was taken to a pet store where there were many cages of birds when the family member knew she was allergic to birds.). I now have the Christmas season upon us. The family home that hosts the Christmas festivities is a home that my daughter always ends up ill after going to. My predicament is that although I want my daughter to see her family for holidays and birthdays, I fear for her overall health because the families don’t follow through on removing and cleaning all areas where there were feathers of any sort such as pillows or blankets. Do I take her and chance it, cleaned or not because they could lie, or not go at all and have more animosity toward me because I didn’t take my daughter to family functions.

I just wish I had the answers. I wish I knew what to do. It just seems to be never ending.

Rogue Status

What if we all went back to living lives like we did before social media?

I know what my family is doing because they are on Facebook. They post updates, and I know where they have been or what they had for dinner. But what if I had to physically speak to them to know those details?

People often comment that someone hasn’t posted on Facebook in a while and it becomes an atrocity. Like, how dare he not update us with what happened at the chicken races. Really?

I don’t like being on Facebook anymore because I feel as though all of my “friends” are only on there to judge me, ridicule me, or belittle me for what I post. These people, who are supposed to be part of my community, because they say they care about me, only really hurt me by the snide comments they make on my posts. Thus, the reason for Instagram.

I like being on Instagram because I don’t have the negativity they way I do on Facebook. I have people that have the same interests as I do. People that love the same hobbies I do. Not to mention, because of the sharing level on Instagram, it’s possible to learn more about things that matter to you. I love that.

I don’t get hurt if people delete me off Instagram when I would be so offended if someone on Facebook did that. People on Instagram are trying to find what they like and where they belong, and I get that.

I also don’t give a damn if I post something every day. Because why do I need to tell everyone what I am doing on a social media post? If they really gave a shit, they would call me and ask me.

I have come to the point where it is humbling to realize that I care enough about myself to not care about the influence of social media. I do it for me. Facebook used to be fun and now it’s not so much. I like the Gram more. BUT, neither are as important as getting off your ass, stop hiding behind a screen, and have conversations with those “friends” you care about. Talk to them about things you love to do. Go have a coffee, walk in a park. Go have lunch with your dad. When you see who is important enough to see face to face and who isn’t, you decide how valuable social media really is.

You Are Beautiful

“Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”    Proverbs 31:30

Last month I went to the doctor because I was concerned with my weight.  From August 2017 until May 2018 I had gained roughly 20 pounds.  By medical standards, I was supposed to weigh around 130 pounds, and I was over that.  I talked to my doctor about my lifestyle.  The typical questions:

Now, I must mention, when I initially went in, I saw a physicians assistant that told me I needed to reduce my now 1300 calorie intake by 500 and begin vigorous weight training, along with keeping a food diary for everything I consumed in a day.  I am sorry but I cannot and will not live off of 800 calories a day.  No.

So this time when I had a visit with my true doctor she asked many questions.  Do you drink?  Very seldom.  Do you smoke?  Nope.  Exercise?  Running/Walking 2 miles at least 4 times a week on top of everything else I do.  Do you eat sweets?  No, not really.  Diet?  Gluten free, egg free, dairy free, whole foods, whole fats, humanely raised meats.

She had a puzzled look on her face.

I talked to her about the possibility that my thyroid was not keeping up or my ovaries got lazy at producing hormones after my partial hysterectomy.

Then she said something that hit hard: I don’t like putting a number in weight on the word healthy.

She told me that my previous blood work was great, I lived a great lifestyle, I was active and I did all the things that I was supposed to do.  She said that starving myself with 800 calories a day and doing endless workouts was not the answer since it was a short term fix and the weight could come back easily.

And you know what?  She was right!

I am a size 10 with a mom pooch from my c-section almost 5 years ago.  I have thick thighs , cellulite, and stretch marks.  I treat myself occasionally with a cookie or chocolate.  I like my coffee with cream and sugar and that one cup I allow myself will be amazing.  I am not going to feel bad about it.

Me being kind, supportive, caring, loving, and compassionate mean so much more than my pant size.

So any ladies that may be reading this, kind of feeling bad after scrolling through Facebook or the Gram, love yourself.  You are beautiful and amazing.

You don’t need those ‘shakes’ or special diets and wraps to feel good about how you look because God made you beautiful just the way you are.  You don’t need a special workout program to be active; go biking with your kids, go hiking on a Sunday, go for a walk around your neighborhood.  If you made it to Friday without losing your shit, have that candy bar because you deserve it.

Social media is a grandiose force in the world, but you do not need to conform to what social media deems beautiful.  Be you.  Be kind.  Love your body and be healthy.

I am going to go ahead and eat my own words…treadmill time it is!

“By the grace of God, I am what I am.”     Corinthians 15:10



Sale Special on Lane Three

Within the last 3 weeks, I decided that I had to give up the Facebook.  It was too much; people constantly being cruel to others is not where I needed to be.  My head space was leaning towards something positive and constructive.  I wanted to connect with other people that had the same interest as me, or so I thought.

I decided to put a little more time in on my Instagram account and started following some new people on the Gram.  It was nice watching stories and seeing testimonies of people that liked what I liked.  Then it happened!  BOOM!

Hi, would you like to know more about my fitness program?

Y’all, come on.

Here is the deal.  I am an honest person with blunt and bold thoughts.  See if you can follow me.  If I want the product or program, I will come to you, don’t message me.  

Also, whatever happened to getting to know someone and taking a true interest in someone before trying to shove their fitness program down their throat?  Maybe see me as a PERSON and not dollars in your wallet.  I have noticed that my number of followers has gone down by 8 or so in the last week.  It goes up and then down, and then up…most likely some no longer want to follow me because I don’t want their products.  Sorry, not sorry.  My goal was to connect with real people who are the following: caring, kind, supportive, open minded as well as a liker/lover of wine, coffee, thrift shopping, gardening, animals, coffee, sleep, laughter, movies, books, art, museums, cooking, running, star gazing, hiking, camping, Skittles…I am sure you get the picture.  I want what everyone wants, to feel like they are among a community of other people that are “like” them.

Like I get it.  There are a lot of women who have busted their ass to get where they are thru these “pyramid” businesses. And, I also understand that there are some genuinely friendly gals out there that I have connected with who are not just wanting me to get their products. Girls have to do what they have to do.  I know that.  But there is a difference between my Gram and theirs; my posts are not all about shakes, wraps, or HIIT programs.  I do follow some women that are working their business because I can see that they are more than their job, they are women and mothers and food lovers.  They like things I like and that is why I follow them.  Why can they not see that I am more than money?

I am a real person.  I do not have a lot of possessions or money.  I live and lead a quiet and somewhat boring life.  I kinda like it that way.  I also like helping others and being able to offer a kind word, but also like to see what others are reading, a pattern for knitting or an awesome new tomato to grow.  So, if any of you would like to do that with me, just click that follow button!


Can We Listen?

Proverbs 11:14  Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.

Most of us know that there has been more talk of mental health issues with the news of Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade passing on.

It made me think about mental health issues as well as help for those issues.  I myself have anxiety.  I have always had it but heightened when I had my daughter.  I have used medication to help control it, have found my own self calming techniques to get through panic attacks, and feel like many of my anxiety issues may be related to some PTSD that is undiagnosed.  Most of my anxiety is from past experiences that are brought up that make the anxiety worse or just a lack of control in situations.

When the anxiety hits, it can be hard to focus on anything (including being calm).  My anxiety has placed me in some very dark places.  Scary places with scary feelings that I don’t want to go to ever again.  Like scary to the point where people were worried about my well-being.  I have also made it a point to focus on self-care; I make sure that I eat well, get exercise, get mental rest, and focus on faith and prayer with a little help of positive women on social media.

I did this for myself.  I fought for myself.  I did have my husband to talk to about how I felt.  He was always kind and compassionate and showed that he cared.  Unfortunately, he had to work long hours during the day and that is when these ‘ugly’ events would happen making my anxiety spiral out of control.  I would have no one to talk to in order to help me refocus and gain control again.

The point I am after is that with all this talk of mental health, I see the conversations about telling the depressed or anxious to reach out; what about the support system reaching out to the depressed or anxious?  The support system should be LISTENING, making the TIME, EFFORT, and COMPASSION to listen.  I hear people say all the time, “If you need someone to talk to, just call me and I will be there.”  So you call in your desperation and they are ‘too busy’.

Let me clarify…if you are in jury duty, speaking at a conference or at a funeral, I would not expect you to answer the phone.  But how many times has the phone rang, you see who it is and say, “I don’t wanna talk to them right now” and all you are doing is watching tv.  I have, and now I regret it.  Life is too short for regrets and what if, just what if, you could save someone just by lending a kind word or pray with them?

I think it is important that as a person really dig into one’s character, be honest with yourself and what you are willing to give.  I had people tell me that they would listen if I needed to talk and you know what?  They told me I was being irrational.  That I was blowing the situation out of proportion.  That I was annoying and that I needed to get over it.  It makes it worse.  It makes the “scary” in your mind even darker.

So when you are watching T.V. on a Sunday or washing dishes after lunch, and you see your friend calling you, please pick up the phone.  Listen to them.  Be kind.  Give them the time.  Because time isn’t something that you get more of.  Being that person that truly listens could make all the difference.