Its a Bit Deep and Heavy

This is a double headed blog post. Its heavy and it is deep. Its so sad and concerning, yet it is so important to be said.

To begin, my uncle passed away this weekend. He was not in the best of health. He had a heart issue, was overweight, didn’t eat well. Generally he did not take the best care of himself. But the one thing that hits hard is that he refused a Covid vaccine. He said that Covid was a hoax. It isn’t real. He refused the vaccine, masks, social distancing. Didn’t do all the things that he could have to prevent Covid. He got Covid and now he is dead. Granted, not getting vaccinated was his choice. He had a right to decide what was “best” for himself, but he didn’t think about how his actions of not getting a vaccine would affect others around him, short or long term. The consequences of spreading the virus to others who were vulnerable, those who had preexisting conditions. The emotional hurt, frustration or pain of others. We had to break the news to my grandmother in the nursing home and that was one of the most heart wrenching things I have ever seen. There is a chance that maybe, just maybe, had he gotten the vaccine, wore the masks, and realized that this isn’t some joke, he may have bought himself a little more time and would have died peacefully in his sleep later down the road instead of being hooked up to countless machines in a medically induced coma completely void of the environment around him.

I believe in science. I believe in medicine. I believe that vaccines work. I mean how else would small pox have been eradicated? I believe that the Covid vaccines are the best way to stop severe illness from happening and protecting those more vulnerable. I implore anyone who has not gotten the vaccine, please do not let your ego, pride, or the endless misinformation stop you from getting one.

The second iceberg is this; I was inside the nursing home yesterday, in the wing my grandmother is in. It was 10am and she was supposed to have breakfast at 8, so her food was 2 hours late. She filled out her meal card for breakfast which included toast with jam, bacon and a fruit cup. She got plain toast (no butter) and a small glass of juice and that was it. Her water cup was empty, no one had filled it as of noon when we left. There was only one CNA that I saw in her wing the whole time and one dietary aide. That’s it. One CNA for about 24 residents. How in the world is that legal? And they think these residents are getting quality care? And for the almost $10,000 a month in room and board you think that they could at least give her butter with her toast.

So with that, please make sure if you have a loved one in a nursing home, go see them. Bring them goodies and gadgets. Make sure that they have a warm blanket or something cozy. If not, think of making a donation to a home to give some of the residents a little cheer this holiday. I will continue to yell at the top of my lungs until someone at the state level listens to what I am telling them about the care in the nursing homes, but in the meantime, I might try to spread some holiday cheer for those who need it a little more than me.

Let’s just say that we need to make better choices. Think about others more than ourselves. Bring back kindness. I know it is out there, we just have to make it happen.

Michigan Falling Short in Long Term Care

It is no surprise that the way our society functions is failing million Americans. I just read an article on NPR that is something that I think most Americans can relate to in some way shape or form. But this is not the only issue we are having. Medical care (insurance), child care, education, maternity/paternity leave that is paid, paying for college, or just paying for groceries are some of the everyday issues that American grapple with every day. The American wage is not allowing people to save for their kids, retirement, heck even a vacation. We also don’t have the means to keep some of the elderly in their homes because the cost of in home care is so high, you have to be a millionaire to afford it. One topic that I think is left out over and over again is adult care, specifically care of the elderly or vulnerable in the nursing homes.

I can only speak specifically for Michigan because that is the state in which I reside, not to mention spent many hours reading Michigan laws, rules and regulations about nursing homes. I understand that our country is divided in so many ways right now and we are going through some sort of “wake up”, and for some things that is beneficial to what we need, but what about our elderly?

My grandmother who is immunocompromised asked for 3 weeks for a booster shot. No one would give her an answer as to when she could get one. She finally got one on Veteran’s Day, yet it may have been too late as she was exposed to a CNA that was covid positive on the day prior.

People are pushing their call lights to have assistance, and no one is coming. Why? Because there are not enough CNAs to work. One aide may have up to 20+ people a day to take care of, and this is considered quality care when the room and board bill ALONE surpasses $8,000 a month. Um, I think not. Sounds just like another get rich scheme instead of remembering that these residents that need care are actually PEOPLE and they matter too.

The food that residents get in a nursing home is worse than what prisoners get at MDOC. The food is cold, barely palatable. Once my grandmother was given a head of broccoli for dinner and that was all. One time it was cold scrambled eggs for breakfast. Don’t even get me started on the diet she is supposed to follow because of her medical conditions; after many conversations with the administrator and dietary nothing changes. Still food shes not supposed to have and cold food that cannot be eaten followed by unreasonable excuses one after another or in some situations, ignoring me (the advocate) all together.

You may say that I should go ahead and report these nursing homes. I have reported 4 nursing homes. It took 3 months before any were investigated. Do they know what can happen in three months? Maybe they do, but just don’t care. For example, one nursing home I reported was cited for not following state guidelines. While I was reading my report, I was able to see other reports in which the same nursing home had been cited. One report was a nurse in the nursing home was under investigation for 2 deaths happening under her watch in suspicious circumstances. And guess what? While the investigation was happening they allowed her to continue to work there even though there was a possibility that her actions or lack of could have been causing residents deaths. Another nursing home I reported was cited because they withheld a schizophrenics medications from him for over a month. A month. Why? Because they said it cost too much. If you ever have a moment and want to know what is happening in these facilities look up some state reports.

I have written to my senator, my local ombudsman, my governor. and have reported numerous nursing homes. They get a slap on the wrist. The nursing homes come up with a plausible plan that makes the state happy but never follow through and are not truly held accountable for what goes on inside those walls.

I don’t know why I am writing this. Maybe to vent. Maybe to get people to be aware. Maybe to get someone who has more power and authority to listen and DO something for these people. I’m just tired of it. These people have spent their lives doing great things, working hard paying their taxes, doing community service and going on great adventures. Maybe gardening, rescuing animals, making care bags for the homeless. And this is how its allowed to be repaid? Cold food, ignoring call lights, all for sucking all the money they can from their insurance to only get sub par care? No. Absolutely not. We can do better. We need to do better.

Accountability

This word is so triggering. Accountability. Its a loaded word but it is so incredibly important.

I have been arguing and disagreeing with my daughter’s school. I ask questions and they don’t answer. If they do answer, the answer has NOTHING to do with what I asked. When this is brought to their attention, I am told that said person probably didn’t know the answer. Cool, cool. THEN SAY THAT. Do not answer my questions with bullshit answers that I can see straight through. It seems as honesty is linked with accountability. Intertwined.

I am arguing with the nursing home again. Its getting to the point where I need someone to be accountable for what is going on with my grandmother. They say that they will look into it. Somethings they do, some things they don’t. Lately its been a lot of withholding information when she asks questions, dietary not doing what I asked with her meals. Shes becoming sad and depressed. Shes weak and tired. Yet no one seems to want to be accountable. Then I wonder, how the hell do you people sleep at night knowing that is what you are doing to these elderly residents?

Being accountable has so many layers. If you fuck up, acknowledge it. Say you messed up. Fix your shit and move on. You have to really try to be the best version of yourself everyday and take that accountability in to the world. If you see someone being racist, mean, rude, whatever, say something. Make those people be accountable for the wrongs they are doing.

Guys, we have to be better. We can be better. But it starts with being accountable for your own bullshit. I want to get out of this mess so desperately, but I don’t know if we will if some things don’t start changing.

Be a good human. Be accountable.

I’m A Little Bold

I went looking for new glasses yesterday and the eye tech gave me a pair of light pink glasses. I told him that I was not a pink girl. Then he gave me some teal frames and he commented that they were bold. And I agreed; I am a bold kind of girl.

I feel like I am finally making headway with some of these nursing home issues. My grandmother’s health is still all over the place and is now residing in her 5th nursing home. This one is a huge upgrade compared to the last four. The price tag definitely reflects that. But the staff are kind, she is being fed (sort of), and they communicate with us (sometimes) so I think we are winning so far.

I wanted to write this specific blog to help some of you out who may not be familiar with elder care or long tern nursing home care. Nursing homes are to follow state rules and guidelines, so please check with your state laws for more details. (I am in Michigan.)

Document: If you can, email people that are caring for your loved one (LO). I reported a home and the investigator for the state was in contact with me throughout the process. The nursing home claimed that they had no record of my grievances with them. Luckily, I had saved all of my emails sent to them and gave those emails to the investigator. She was able to use my emails as evidence that the home was not in compliance and they were given multiple citations.

Be annoying: Call and email. If you are unsure about something, call for clarification. Get on their social Media accounts. You are the advocate for your loved one. If you have to call 10 times to get an answer, call. They will get the message that you are serious.

Write to your congressional members: If you know that there is something going on in the nursing home that is cause for concern, and it is something that is a common factor in many nursing homes, write to your congressional members. Write to senators. Write to the Attorney General. Write to all of the people that you can to make them aware. I am in contact with one of my senators and his office stays in touch with me. One of the issues that I brought up was the time between a report being filed to the state and then the state investigating the report. Most times it task 90 days for them to start looking into it. That is completely unacceptable. My senator is now working on how to create a time frame that investigators need to follow to check on these reports.

Ask a lot of questions: Ask ask ask ask ask!!!!! Ask all of the questions and find out all that you can. Also, information in nursing homes is to be available to the public at all times. There is a list of citations that the nursing homes are given my the state and those are to be available for people to read. If the nursing home cannot give you this information upon asking, they are in violation and can be given a citation for that as well.

Look for the info not freely given: I found that there is a lot of hidden information. Like contacting your local ombudsman in the need of help Sometimes they can settle issues before it becomes an bigger issue, like with a resident feeling like their needs or wishes are not being met. It was also explained to me that there are people in the state agency that are responsible for judging how severe a complaint is and that determines when the state investigators can look into it. If the complaint is not “severe enough”, it will take longer for them to look into the complaint.

The elderly need better care. For whatever reason your family member needs to be in a care facility, they should always be treated with respect and dignity. They should feel safe and be comfortable. Be fed and watered. All basic needs should be met. But most of these facilities are failing these people.

I would love for my grandmother to be home and have in home care, but she doesn’t qualify. Insurance won’t pay. We would have to pay out of pocket. 24 hour care would cost $648 a day. We have a tiny support system for her. We don’t have a choice but to have her in a facility until she has the ability to care for herself independently.

I just thought I would share what I have learned about all of this. And to tell you that even when it is hard, keep fighting.

The Virtual Tidal Wave

This is the school year of all school years.  I am exhausted and we have not even started school.  Well we have but not really.  Confused?  Me too.

Our school district in Michigan had us set to begin on August 25th.  The district plans were to allow students and parents to decide if they wanted virtual school or F2F.  My family chose virtual as I am a certified teacher and have actually taught in the school district that my daughter attends.  We did not start school on the 25th because we didn’t have computers or teachers.  Now, as of today, we have a teacher (thankfully it is the same teacher that she had last year so the relationship is already there) and a computer, but we still have no classwork.

Apparently, the program that we are supposed to be using has become so overloaded that it is slow and is taking more time to import all of the student data in it to begin.  We were supposed to have logins for our classes today, which now they say will be Friday, and I think it will be next Tuesday.

I was also surprised to find out that our district has 41% of students doing virtual classes and some nearby districts, it is only 14%.  I wonder why there is such a large discrepancy?

I am not in a panic for my daughter to start because there are things that we can do at home or outside to bring the learning to her.  We work on telling time and reading.  We talk about plants and how they grow.  We do a little math while baking something.  There are always things that can be done that can allow the connections and build the knowledge.

All of this has been a huge learning curve.  Not only for teachers but for parents, grandparents, kids, bus drivers and more.  There are things that I am pleased about and some things not so much.  But this is the first time that virtual learning on such a massive scale has ever happened.

I wonder what it would look like if this was happening and there was no internet to do virtual school.  How would learning be handled?  What would be happening in the schools?  How would parents handle it?

Hmmm…

Well, Aren’t We Entitled

I was scrolling through the news, and I know it is something that I shouldn’t be doing but, ya know, you have to stay informed.  I came across an article on CNN explaining how there was a school in Indiana where parents KNOWINGLY sent their child to school with a pending Covid-19 test.  And guess what?  It came back positive!!!

I prayed a lot, talked to myself, wrote in my journal…you name it, I did it to figure out what to do with my daughter for this school year.  She loves her school, her teachers and her friends.  I am well acquainted with the school because I had taught in the district in the past.  I wanted her to go back to school. But I was extremely hesitant to say the least.

Our district released a plan that is offering face-to-face (F2F) school and virtual.  I have decided to take the virtual option.

Now here is the thing.

There are all different kinds of families with all different circumstances.  And they will have to choose the option that is best suited for them.  You do you. I get it.

What I am not okay with is this exorbitant level of entitlement.  It makes me gag quite frankly.

What in the name of _____ would make you think (as a parent) that it would be a good idea to send the kid to school with a pending Covid test?  Your entitlement?  Your need for wanting your individualism more than what is good for the whole?  Your a psycho?

This goes back to why I cannot send my daughter to school in good conscience.  I have no control over what other parents do.

Parents send kids to school sick all the time.  What is going to make this pandemic situation any different?  Just a roll of the dice on whether that cough Bobby has had for a week is Covid or a regular cold?  Just to see what happens.  Nah.

But this time its different.  Sending a child to school ill this time around could be potentially lethal not only for the peers but for those who staff the school.  If a teacher gets Covid, how is he/she going to get a sub?  Subs are hard to come by as it is.

I cannot send my daughter to school knowing that she could carry this illness to others.  I cannot send her knowing that there are parents out there that wont keep their sick kids home.  I cannot send my daughter because the school may get lax in their sanitation protocols and the cleanliness wont be effective in preventing the spread.  Kids wont keep masks on.  Kids will be too distracted.  Teachers will be overwhelmed.  Social distancing wont be maintained.

I cannot control what others do.  But I can control what goes on in my home.  Because I am looking out for the good of the whole.  Not just my family but other families, teachers and students.  I am making my choice for others too.  Because it seems to be the best thing to do.

Whatever you choose to do as a family, however your kids go back to school, make sure that you as a parent have a plan.  Have a plan how to handle illness, extra curricular activities, play dates (if you allow it).  Because of all these decision have an impact on the whole, not just you. And if we ever plan to get the heck out of this, we need to start looking at it as a whole and not just you vs me.

 

 

 

 

You Can Do It

Masks.  Weird right?  No one thought in a million years that masks would become so, popular.

According to a revised page of the CDC website (May 23, 2020) it states that people should be wearing masks.  Not only to possibly protect yourself, but it can help protect others as well.  Is it a guarantee? No.  But can it help?  Yes.  Along with making sure to keep 6 feet of social distance in place as well as making sure to wash your hands (remember to sing happy birthday twice) can help keep many people healthy.

Now, with all of that being said, why are people not wearing them?

Let me start with my personal details.  I have family that is not in the best of health, and they depend on me to make sure that they have what they need.  I have been staying away from people as much as humanly possible as well as avoiding stores when necessary.  I try to use online shopping and enter stores at non-peak hours where there are fewer people in the stores.  I wash my hands well, I ALWAYS wear a mask, and disinfect all commonly touched surfaces.

Many times as I am in a store, I see not only the patrons but the staff not wearing masks.  Pardon?

Why is this so difficult?  Because people feel entitled that they don’t have to do something with their body that they don’t want to.  Human body autonomy.

It is a mask.  Made of either lightweight paper mesh or maybe cotton or nylon.  Might be held on by your ears or tied behind your head.  Not always stylish but you can get them made by awesome people on Etsy to make sure it matches your outfit that day.  Sometimes they fog up your glasses, if you wear glasses.  Sometimes they make you sweat a bit, maybe give you a zit or two.  Maybe it makes you gag a bit because you realize you need to brush your teeth better.  Not perfectly pleasant but not going to kill you.

Now recently, I have been getting dirty looks from people.  Not sure why.  I have on a mask and they don’t.  Shouldn’t I be giving them they stink eye?  Now I know for a fact that if I were to go out into public, to a store, movies, amusement park and didn’t have a bra on, I would be getting a TON of looks.  Many of them along the lines of “Why doesn’t she have a bra on?  That’s not cool!!!”  Yes!  My point exactly.  I don’t like wearing a bra.  It pinches and hurts my neck, in the summer I get sweaty and sometimes I get heat rashes.  Sometimes it is itchy because the fabric isn’t wonderful.  But you know what?  I make do. Just like a mask.  It is not always wonderful or super pleasant, but I think that you could make do for the short time it takes you to go into the store or pharmacy.

The one argument that takes the cake is people saying that wearing a mask is against their constitutional rights.  Ok, lets back up a bit.  No one is asking you to put poison in your body without consent or removing part of your brain for scientific study…it’s a mask.  I get constitutional rights- until your right is putting someone else in harm’s way.  By not wearing a mask you could be putting yourself or someone else in jeopardy by spreading germs.  A person that may be diabetic or have asthma or high blood pressure.  Someone that may be more susceptible from having severe issues if they were to contract Covid-19.  That is not fair to them.  Be kind.  Do that one great, kind deed for the day and wear your mask.  I woke up this morning and put my bra on.  Trust me, you can do it.

I am sure that there are 7,651 reasons that people come up with as to why they don’t want to wear a mask.  (That is another blog post coming soon.) Honestly, unless you have a severe, potentially life threatening issue that prevents you from wearing a mask, I think they should be worn.  There is no harm to wear one.  Find one that you like and go for it.  Trust me, there are people out there cheering you on for putting your mask on today.  Just like I cheer for all the ladies that put on a bra this morning.

 

 

Who Dis

Honestly, I have no idea. I am a person who had one life then decided to have a baby. Now I am that person living with a child but really don’t have a clue who I am. What do I even like anymore? What makes me tick? What makes me happy? I am having to relearn all of this. I am sure every mom has gone through this to some extent, but it’s like I had amnesia and now have to relearn who I am all over again.

So with that, I do remember my name. I am Heather. I live in Michigan. I am married and have a 6 year old daughter. Beyond that I am trying to figure it out. Sometimes I think I know, sometimes not so much. But what I do know is life is short, and I want to do as much as I can in my limited time. So I am gonna do what I like. And I am going to do things and fail. I am going to succeed. And laugh so hard I pee my pants.

I plan on sharing a little of everything. This blog is not a one size fits all. Not just fashion or my kid. Not just food recipes or new restaurants. I want it to be all the things because life is all the things. Life is the hectic, the good and bad, with some ugly. Sometimes it’s sad or upsetting. And sometimes it’s a blast. I want to share it all.

So stay tuned. We have a wild ride ahead.